Captin's Rants

People who can't drive

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:15:00 +0000

I received an email today that prompted me to write this rant, it does not change my earlier rant on cyclists but as the sender is a pedal pusher himself I felt that it is only fair to rant about one of the other irritations on the road - people who can't drive.

Now you could fall into the "can't drive" category for a number of reasons;

You are a Chelsea Tractor (that's a posh 4x4 for those who don't know) and have both no consideration for any other sentient being within 10m nor do you have the faintest clue as to how big your vehicle is pushing everything out of the way to ensure you stay clean
You are a big city town driver in a small town - cutting everyone up because you can't wait
You are a small town driver in a big city - never able to pull out of junctions
You are more concerned with putting makeup on than driving - I have seen far to many women attempting to put lipstick on at traffic lights or even worse WHILST driving
You are too old to drive and too stubborn to give it up.
You wear burberry or any other chav like material

My friend made a very astute point - that it is generally the person in question who is the irritation and it is not the act that they do.

A poor and inconsiderate driver will more than likely be an arse on a bike too. However, if I changed the rant to "inconsiderate people" then the subject would be too broad to write comprehensively and there would be few other rants.

If you can't drive but just haven't admitted it to yourself or others yet then stop. If you know someone who can't drive then for the love of whoever tell them. Bad drivers cost lives and irritate the hell out of me in a morning - especially ones in convertibles who go in the wrong lane for their exit on the roundabout at the top of Dalton!

Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:26:00 +0000

OK, this rant is NOT about Christmas itself because that is a joyous period that I totally enjoy. This rant is about how commercialised the whole ordeal is becoming.

Christmas has never been about the presents for me - well possibly as a young child - but certainly for as long as I can remember it has been about spending time with my family. For the retail industry though, Christmas is quite obviously all about making money.

I saw my first Christmas advert on tv LAST MONTH! I heard my first Christmas song on the radio at the beginning of this month (November for those reading in the future) and I don't even want to try to remember how long ago it was that I saw my first load of Christmas orientated items in the shop (like advent calendars)

Perhaps the reason why each year I don't feel like it is Christmas until the final few days, is because it is being watered down and is no longer an event that lasts a few weeks (I don't mind starting to get "christmasy" in December) but an event that lasts for a few months.

(editorial note: not too sure how good this rant is but hey ho...)

I want to return back to the days when it was all "YEAY its Christmas" and not "WHAT... its friggin October - why the **** are they advertising the Christmas sale?". I'm quite simply not ready to be festive yet, so why do I have to see a dancing Santa when I enter ASDA? Well, because a group of already fat and greedy people want to be fatter and greedier. They want us to spend more money, and by getting us to buy things over a longer period of time they will get what they want.

So, to you fat greedy early Christmas pushing pieces of mouldy frogspawn I quite simply say this...

"P**S OFF, it's my Christmas, you ain't invited, and I'll start celebrating it when I say so, and not you!"

Facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:21:00 +0000

To coincide with the recent revelation in the blog section (or not recent if you are reading this at some point in the unknown future - the blog link is here)

it made perfect sense to follow through with a new rant, and what better a subject than the revelation itself... Facebook

The idea behind it is beautiful, it’s an easy way to update the world with what you are doing/feeling/thinking share pictures, content you have found on the web. The thing is, that I used to do all of these things, here on this very website.

So why did I get drawn to Facebook? Probably due to the fact it seemed easier to update (I say "seemed" because it got buggier and buggier and more problematic the longer I used it) and that is possibly the true point of this rant.

Yes there is a drive in life to do things in a simpler way, but at what cost? The cost of me using something other than this site was the irritation and feeling of failure for ditching a project before it was a year old (is that what I have done to facebook...) a cost of the content I would update, limitations on how much I could say. THIS IS BAD, yes we should make life easier but not at a high cost. Let me elaborate more.

Computers - great things, great software, reduced times to do things by ridiculous factors. But a cost... a generation that can no longer write, can't spell or punctuate as they rely on auto correction tools. For some, even the complete and utter destruction of social skills.

Mobile phones - the ability to communicate from almost anywhere, and communicate in every form except touch and smell (and maybe some others I haven’t thought about yet) yet this is also a downfall, they are a convenience at the price of constant interruption of your life (see earlier blog)

So, this may not have been the best of rants but I am out of practice. But a lesson has been learnt, yes I should make things in my life easier but only if that is not at a huge sacrifice. And this leads on to the potential development of the site, how to make things easier to maintain? Rants for example could be controlled by being a blog themselves... and soon... they will be!

Cyclists

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Tue, 12 May 2009 21:14:00 +0000

This rant has been a long time coming, a separate rant will appear in due course to deal with motorcyclists but for now it is all about the self powered 2 wheelers. Now, don't get me wrong I'm not against ALL cyclists just some of them. The ones who ride on the road out of barrow when there is a MASSIVE cycle path for them to use, the ones that cut along side you at traffic lights putting themselves in danger and blaming you - THEY are the people who need sorting.

Cyclists do not pay to be on the road, motor vehicles do - so why should road tax go on cycle lanes? Cyclists do not have to pass a written, a hazard and an practical test to go on the road, so do not have (unless they are a motor vehicle driver) any idea of the rules of the road. So with this being the case why do they act like they own the spot?

Riding two or even three abreast at 12mph on a main road should be a "knock of the road"-able offence. Vehicle users pay for the upkeep of the road and all other users are there at our expense - it would be nice for some courtesy to be shown by all cyclists not just the occasional user.
So to the pedal pushers of you, please bear this in mind and have more consideration for us in the metal cans that finance the roads you ride!

Snow

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 23:12:00 +0000

A seasonal rant at the time of writing! There were warnings of snow on the weather the other night yet Dalton and Barrow failed to receive any of it - which I'm not that bothered about, I live in a beautiful part of the world and at the right time of year do not need to travel far before I can see some or go sledging should I desire.

This rant is not about me not getting snow, but about the apparent chaos snow now causes. Schools now seem to close for the day (or longer) if there is more than 3 snowflakes on the school ground in the morning, whilst when I was at School they wouldn't close unless there was a real chance people would get stuck there. I don't believe that it has anything to do with the fact that staff can't get in to work but more down to insurance and liability. Teachers I believe are insured in the classroom to teach but not much more (I may be wrong and will change this if corrected), snow leads to a massive responsibility problem. What if a child gets injured by a snowball fight at school, or slips on the hardened icy snow whilst moving from building to building. Who is responsible in the eyes of the parents? Who gets the blame? Why the school does of course, not the child for getting involved in a snowball fight or for running around without a care in the icy weather!

Surely before this idiotic age we seem to be living in schools were able to educate children (as that is their prime objective, they are not a day care facility you know) without fear of prosecution or unfair blame from parents who should really know better!

Bad people ruining the world for the rest of us

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 21:27:00 +0000

I was speaking to my Grandma the other night, and informed her that my site has been updated complete with blog and soon pictures of Emily (my daughter for those who aren't aware). Grandma was a bit concerned about the blog or the site containing information that may indicate where I live or where Emily and in this day and age it may not be wise due to the hideously evil people that are out there. Now from this point I need to be careful, as I know my Grandma will at some point read this site, or someone else will and mention this rant to her - the rant is NOT about my Grandma or her views.

My Grandma has made a fair point (and not for the first time in her life!), but one that I will pay no attention to for a number of reasons.

It is for some reason decided in various peoples minds, that these nasty people (or [insert extremely rude word here]'s) are a recent phenomenon, well they are not! We are just more aware of them now because of the media. I refuse to let the fact that one of these people may one day stumble across my website change what I put on it. It is here for me, my family and my friends and not them.

The idea that someone may see a picture of a child on a website and decide to do something horrific to that child is indeed a chilling thought, however no one is concerned that there may be a picture on here of the inside of my house showing what is available to burglars. I am not concerned that I have identified what I look like to the world so they can mob me in the street with words of congratulations for such an awesome site (I'm so modest!). So why should I even contemplate the other idea?

I refuse to let the fact that bad people exist ruin how I intend to enjoy my life and that's it, rant over

Complaints

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:43:00 +0000

If you do find something written here that you find particularly offensive then tough, you have NO right to complain. Why do I make this claim? Well am I sat beside you now forcing you to read this? No! So it is therefore your own conscious choice. I could understand if I was writing something personal about you but I doubt I will ever post anything personal on here other than my own thoughts.

My thoughts on these rants are not set in stone and may (and have) changed over time. They are not here to change your mind or opinion on some matter, they are not here to amuse you (though they may) or irritate you (although again they might). They are here because I have for some reason decided to put them on my site.

If however, reading the above you do decide to read the below and feel that you want to complain please send an email to heyidontlikepartorallofyourrant@captin.co.uk whether I will actually read this email yet alone reply to it is a question that I am sure you will be able to answer yourself.

Warnings

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 16:27:00 +0000

Why is it that we have to put warnings on almost every product known to man? I understand some of them but others are just plain stupid. Take for example a bag of peanuts that I purchased the other day that had "not suitable for nut allergy sufferers!" No shit Sherlock, they're PEANUTS! If you suffer from a nut allergy and you are aware of it then why would you eat a bag of nuts - that's just insane.

The same applies to the ever increasing amount of road signs that pop up everywhere, informing you of a corner, or a junction, or that you will need to give way in 100 yards (just in case you can't already see it!) or even worse, that frogs may cross the road.

Surely we are evolved enough to know a corner when we see one without being told what it is, and that if you are allergic to nuts it is a bad idea to eat them! If the world has got to a state where these warnings are completely justified and required then...

Political Correctness

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 23:09:00 +0000

This is probably my favourite rant. A long time ago in a galaxy far far away - well perhaps not a galaxy far away, as it was here but hey ho - you used to be able to say things that would be taken with a pinch of salt, now however you have to be extremely careful with everything that you say or do else you may end up upsetting some select group of people.

I was having a conversation with my boss the other day and we were discussing a new branding name for our support contracts. We wanted something that would clearly define the two different product, something catchy and different. 'Black Support' or 'White Support' came up, for a split moment we thought this was a great idea we could use marketing terms like "No grey areas, its just black and white". This was until we realised that we couldn't use these terms as they were probably not politically correct anymore or that some small minded person would turn it into something it simply isn't.

It seems that it is almost impossible now to do anything without insulting some group or culture (see here you would normally write 'minority' but I'm not even sure if you can use that phrase anymore) but conversely if you do agree not to do something because you might offend the minority (ha I said it!) you could end up offending the majority. Whether its the majority or the minority it shouldn't really matter as this is supposed to be a world of free speech I guess however whoever said that was telling big fat lies.

Mobile Phones

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 00:07:00 +0000

Now I have a mobile phone, I have had a mobile phone for a good few years now so this rant may seem a little hypocritical however hopefully when you have read through it you will understand where I am coming from. It's not because I find people using mobile phones and irritation, its because I find people who ring them to be an irritation to me, let me explain.

Back in the days before everyone had a mobile phone we just had the old normal home phones, if someone rang it and you didn't answer they would simply assume you were not available for what ever reason. Now we have mobiles people call you and simply assume that you will be available, and then when you don't answer they ring again - as its a mobile you have so you might just not have heard them whilst you are out and about.

Yes it IS good to talk but sometimes you are just too busy to do so, on the bus, the toilet, driving, shopping or generally just not available. Naturally this rant doesn't apply to everyone who rings mobiles - just those who do and then complain that you weren't available (you know who you are)

Fireworks

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:23:00 +0000

Why oh why oh why are fireworks still sold? I really fail to understand, and personally I feel they should be banned from the public. Think about it for a minute, what exactly are fireworks? EXPLOSIVES, explosives that any person looking over the age of 18 is allowed to purchase. If I came up with the idea of fireworks, and tried to get permission to sell them in this current climate do you really think I would be allowed? No, I'd be laughed at for the idea of wanting to allow any Tom, Dick, Harry or Jane for that matter blow off their own hands or cause damage to others through misuse, or arrested under some terrorist act. Quite simply they are only sold because they have always been sold and whilst we are quick enough to make up stupid new laws we are not wise enough to review things already in place and change them.

Then there's sparklers that are quite often sold along with fireworks, and what are sparklers? Really really really hot bits of metal that we give to young children to wave around in groups - anyone else agree with me that this too is a stupid idea?
Now I'm not completely against fireworks, they are pretty if set up and fired professionally - and that's the way I would really like it to be. Rather than allow the general public to purchase them, why not make it a licensed thing. I mean, you have to have a license for a gun don't you? Professional firework displays are quite often fantastic, with all that bureaucratic health and safety stuff done - but in this case its actually required. Self setup firework displays are the ones that lead to disaster.

So I implore you all, next time you see a box of fireworks or sparklers for sale, think about what you are buying and just don't bother. And if you are that fussed about watching your money burn and explode then send it to me instead and I'll buy Emily something nice and send you a photo of her face filled with joy (better than ANY firework I guarantee you)

Spam

noreply@blogger.com (Captin) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 21:08:00 +0000

We're not talking the meat kind here, but the kind that most people get in their inbox every day. Yes that bandwidth wasting, poorly written, irritating variety of email. Not only do I not understand why people bother to send such poorly written literature but what I can't comprehend even more is the IDIOTS who pay attention to it. I mean seriously if I were to stop you in the street wearing the uniform of a major bank and told you that your account may have been compromised and that in order to check you needed to give me your details, passwords and PIN number you would either punch me, call the police or laugh in my face - yet if people get an email that looks SORT OF like it came from a bank they for some bizarre reason think that it must be true and then compromise their details by responding.

THEN there are those ones advertising little blue pills, or cheap shares, or mortgage offers, or bank loans hey the list is longer than a long thing that has been stretched to make it longer! The main thing that I find wrong with these emails is that they cant even spell the product properly let alone string together a coherent sentence. Again, in the real world if I stopped you in the street and didn't look at all professional and said something like "Mortgage I have to sell, its chip boy it from moi" then you would think I was drunk and ignore me, so why do people respond to them - I mean somebody MUST reply to them else why would the spotted freaks in dark rooms write them