Failing memory, anger management and a thank you

Continuing on from yesterdays great step forward I thought I would do some updates to the site, such as turning the rants page into a separate blog for ease of content addition. This of course led me on to wanting to make more changes to the site, more improvements and more content. Emily's section needs a HUGE amount doing to it, I have an immense amount of photo's that too should be published, and I DID have a wealth of rants to get out of my system... but when I tried to put them down on paper/screen I have completely forgotten all of them.

I was kinda hoping that writing a new blog entry would somehow refresh my memory of things I should rant about but perhaps it's due to my present lack of rage? This could be down to the fact I am sat quite happily listening to a relaxed playlist on spotify (listen here) its not the largest of playlists and I think you can add to it, please do. The other reason for the lack of rage could be down to something which may surprise a few of you out there...

I have recently been attending anger management classes! Well, I say classes, they were a one on one session and the real deal.

Some of you readers may be shocked completely and have never considered that I would ever have such a need for anger management therapy, others may quite rightly so think "well about time!"

There may be many questions flying around in your heads now such as "was he REALLY that angry?" or "why didn't he say anything about it before?" some of these questions I may answer in this blog, others I may not.

I was never one for being physically aggressive towards anyone else, more likely to be aggressive to myself doing stupid acts such as punching or kicking walls (the wall ALWAYS won). My anger came out in the form of sometimes uncontrollable shouting, other times making me just want to ignore the world. In short anger WAS ruining my life whenever it appeared.

I'd tend to bottle things up, not mention them for many reasons and then something as small as mouldy food in the fridge at work, or a piece of rubbish on the side next to the bin but not in the bin where it should be at home, would release all the pent up anger I'd stored for weeks or months.

We won't go into the event that caused me to finally decide to seek help before this anger became totally uncontrollable as that is not the point of discussion, but I am happy to admit that for many years (back to when I was at school) I have occasionally thought that I should speak to someone, and though the catalyst for this therapy was not a nice occasion I am glad it happened for without it I would not be where I am today.

After 6 rather fantastic sessions with my counsellor I have learnt a great deal about myself, obtained a better understanding of anger and a HUGE amount (I think anyway) about communication. Things like the fact that it is OK to be angry, it's natural and that if I don't get angry from time to time then things will just build up and explode in a manner that nobody likes. It is how you get that anger across that is important, be angry by all means - just don't let your anger make other people angry at you. It is possible to be angry without screaming and shouting, and when you deal with it properly anger can actually be constructive and not totally destructive as it seemed to be for me not so long ago.

I'm not professing to be an expert now, nor am I saying that I am able to manage my anger perfectly every time - because that in itself is just not normal. What I am declaring is that my life (not that it was in dire straits - great band!) is now so much better than it was. Many things are the reason for this but I do feel that controlling my anger is a massive contributing factor to them all.

For all this I am totally and eternally grateful to Frank - without whom none of this would have taken place. Thanks Frank!